Devastated

Suddenly felt deeply devastated and dissappointed.. So many things keep going through my mind now.. I cant stop thinking.. Sumtimes i wanna cry, I dont know what i'm thinking..

I lost my job... It was so sudden.. No warning no nothing... I dun even have back up savings to support myself.. I wanted to change job but not this soon, at least after i had saved a bit. Well, My department closed down so i have to go. I spent all of my last mth salary paying my credit card bills and etc... I dunno what i should do now.. I cant tell my mom. She expects so many things from me. I cant dissappoint her.. Guess I have to struggle. My next step is to find job.. well, with some faith and hope i guess i could find one soon. Cant be choosy, these days not easy to get job.

I dunno I suddenly lost hope.. I dunno what I am feeling now.. I feel this uneasiness in my mind and heart. I feel this emptiness thats preventing me from smiling. I dun feel like talking to anyone. I dunno.. I feel so useless.. guess I am a nobody now already.. I lost everything. I am such a miser now.. I feel so low..

I cant tell my family. Im living "alone".. No body is beside me to lend me a shoulder to lean on. I have to be strong by myself all this while... I am very happy when i was succesful but now that i am in the lurch, i feel so down i could break out in tears anytime.. I prayed, but why dont "they" help?? am I such a bad person to have such a bad luck?

Dunno what to do now........ yet alone once again... I regretted so many things in life..