Im breaking Down!! I regret ... yet again

I miss you so bad... I miss your voice.. I miss your sweet talks, I miss you like crazy.. Its so difficult to get over you.. How can I force myself to stop loving you? How can i force my mind to stop loving you when my heart still does?

I love you and i still do.. I regret whatever i did though i know its for the better of us.. There are things which i could not explain. There are things which i cant let you know coz im scared.. It hurts so bad.. I force myself not to cry specially not in front of my friends though im abit "seh". I didnt cry. Instead i was busy taking care of Fiona coz she drunk. no one knows and i intend to keep it dat way.. Let me breakdown myself..

I realized I have myself to blame.. I drove you away.. I forced you to leave.. Not coz i dun love you. Its coz i dun wanna hurt you in the future and I dun wan to get hurt just like before... There are things which i dont wanna tell you. But I know if I dont tell you, You will sure find out from other ppl. This "aj" circle is so small. Coz I know U will never accept me. Just like any other ppl who just suddenly "disappear". I dun wan to fall in love with you so deep and get hurt in the end coz of this. Its not easy to drive sumone you really love away and forget about it. I still read the "thing" every now and then.

I know i cant do anything now.. I know I have to move on. Im not normal. Nobody will accept me. I feel so inhuman. I'll just continue hurtin everyday..

Why does it hurt so bad?? Why do I feel so sad?? I thought i was over you but i keep crying when I dont love you. So why does it hurt so bad?? Guess I can never be over you yet...

Im kinda seh... its 5 am in the morning. and i think i better sleep now.. :(